The Game

It took me about four years of thinking and experimenting before I finally took the plunge and started my business.

On one of those attempts, I actually did get a break.

I could have become a photographer, only now I understand why I didn't.

I was living in Istanbul, teaching English at plotting new adventures.

I tried something else bold: I emailed every film producer in Istanbul. I sent a email to a a bit over 100 producers asking to work for free.

My goal was to work with photography or film.

Two replied. One said no.

The other—an American producer named Darryl—said:

“Thank you for reaching out. I will discuss with my partners and get back to you. Let me ask you do you have a camera or other equipment?”

I didn't. But my housemate Zak.

I borrowed his DSLR, tripod, mic. He gave me a crash course before my first assignment: filming an interview.

Simple enough, but the pressure was real.

What if I forgot to hit record? What if I messed up the files? I’d have wasted a whole day for this producer and his guest, a German chef at the Hyatt Hotel.

But it went well.

Next assignment: a party. My job was to capture pictures of Darryl as he mingled with guests.

He told me to stay as long as I wanted, grab a couple of drinks, take the shots I thought were interesting.

That went well too. I even got invited back for another party.

But I didn't go.

The lesson I learned at the time was that photography wasn't my thing.

I wasn't passionate enough to take 2-hour long bus ride at 2am.

Maybe I didn't have the talent.

Maybe I was too lazy...

I'm glad I'm revisiting this story, because I come to understand it very differently.

The problem wasn’t photography—it was the lack of purpose.

“Take nice photos” can’t be it.

What's the story I'm telling, what's the target?

By 'purpose' I don’t mean some grand mission. Even something like:“Make me look social and friendly, because that will open doors and help me make more money.”Boom. Clear. I’d have been on it.

It's not even about purpose.

We always fabricate some purpose otherwise I wouldn't have messaged so many people and risked all the embarrassment.

I wasn’t just missing purpose or a strong 'why'.

I was missing thegame.

Put me inside a game and I know how to operate.

Any game needs a set of rules, a well-defined target, rewards, and ways to measure progress.

“Take nice pictures” or “do what you love” aren’t a game.

No one really operates from directions like those.

For a long time I carried the story that:

"...well I wasn't talented enough"

"...I didn't want it hard enough"

But as I revisit that episode I'd say, I didn't see the game in it or didn't see a game I wanted to play.

When I started my business, I immediately saw the game.

When I discovered partner dancing, the game was clear too.

I knew how to play, why I played, the possible rewards, and how to measure progress.

That’s when I got engaged.

consciously or subconsciously we are playing many game in life.

That's a frame I like to think to understand someone's and my own motivations.

Sometimes theproblem isn't you. It isn't the discipline or the task.

Sometimes the game is unclear.

Is that something you can relate?